Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Feeling sidelined as a new dad? With all eyes on mom and baby, it’s easy to feel lost.

Every Wednesday, we’ll untangle the science and psychology behind your new world in 5 minutes or less.

Straightforward, research-backed and never costing you a penny.

We need to speak about Dad shaming.

It’s not always loud or dramatic. Sometimes it’s a raised eyebrow, an awkward comment, or a slow shake of the head while you’re just doing your best. But according to a national poll from C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, over half of all dads say they’ve been criticised for how they parent. That’s not coming from strangers. It’s from people they know: partners, parents, in-laws, the people who are supposed to be in their corner.

The criticism usually centres around discipline. But plenty of dads in the study also reported being judged for what they let their kids eat, how much attention they gave, or whether they were being too rough. It’s subtle more often than not. A suggestion here. A “joke” there. Just enough to make you question yourself.

And that’s the part that stays with you. You start wondering if you’re doing it wrong, even when you’re just trying to bond, have fun, or show up the only way you know how.

Now, to be clear, this isn’t a vent. I’m not writing this because someone looked concerned when I tossed my son gently in the air and caught him like I’ve done a hundred times before. I didn’t stomp home, open the laptop, and start typing furiously to defend my honour as a dad. It’s just something I’ve noticed. Quietly. Repeatedly. Enough that I thought it might be worth putting into words.

Because one of the more troubling findings from that poll was that some dads actually became less involved in parenting after being criticised. Not because they stopped caring, but because it started to feel safer to hang back. Easier to do less than to keep being told they were doing it wrong. That’s how it happens, one moment of doubt after another until you slowly step out of the role you were trying to step into.

We don’t talk about it much, probably because it doesn’t feel big enough to justify the conversation. But it chips away at you. Especially when you’re still figuring things out and not quite sure about everything.

There’s already enough pressure to get things right. Especially to be the dad who’s attentive but relaxed, supportive but not soft, involved but not overbearing. Throw in a bit of judgment every time you make a choice someone else wouldn’t, and the whole thing becomes a tightrope. One slip, and suddenly you’re “irresponsible,” or “not paying attention,” or “doing it wrong.”

But parenting isn’t a performance. You’re not ticking boxes to meet someone else’s criteria. You’re responding in real time to a little person who changes every day, while doing your best to learn on the job. You might not always get it perfect, but that doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a parent.

You’re there. You’re showing up. That counts.

If someone has a problem with how you’re doing it, tell them all to fuck off.

(Cancelled) New re-occuring segment: Deals on baby products!

You lads weren’t fans of the Amazon links from last week hahaha. I was honestly just trying to help a few people out, they weren’t affiliated or paid ads!

Oh well.

Back to the usual schedule…

If you’re squeemish, don’t watch this…

That’s about it for now, have a great week!

- Dan from Dad Psych

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