Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Feeling sidelined as a new dad? With all eyes on mom and baby, it’s easy to feel lost.

Every Wednesday, we’ll untangle the science and psychology behind your new world in 5 minutes or less.

Straightforward, research-backed and never costing you a penny.

What is ‘Dad Guilt’?

It’s been a while, hasn’t it lads?! Back now though. Bags of content, lots of things to cover. Hope you’ve been well. Let’s get into this.

If you’ve found yourself hovering in the background, Googling what meconium is while your partner seems to instinctively know what each baby cry means, you’re not alone.

This isn’t about laziness. It’s about the psychological punch that hits when your intention to help doesn’t match your ability to deliver. One dad interviewed by the ABC described it perfectly: the baby’s fed, changed, soothed, but not by you. That mismatch? That’s dad guilt. And it’s real.

What’s really going on here

The truth is, dads today are showing up. We're doing more than the generation before us ever did. But the world around us hasn’t quite caught up.

Most systems, from antenatal appointments to early parenting classes, still operate as if mum is the default parent and dad’s a side character. We don’t get invited to the emotional debrief after a rough night. We’re not the ones expected to carry the mental load. So we end up watching, not driving.

The risk of checking out

That frustration, of wanting to help but feeling unqualified, can quickly turn into withdrawal.

“She’s better at it, I’ll just mess it up,” becomes the quiet voice in your head. But that voice? It’s proof you care. And that’s something powerful to work with, not shut down.

How to reframe the guilt

Here’s a reframe: babies don’t care about flawless technique. They care about presence.

Show up messy. Show up awkward. Show up late. Just keep showing up.

The more you do, the more your own rhythm will form. Your own parenting voice that doesn’t compete with your partner’s but complements it.

Why this matters

You’re not a guest in your own family. You’re one half of the foundation your child is standing on. The sooner you believe that, the easier it becomes to act on it, even if you’re still learning what works.

It’s deffo worth it

🥺

That’s about it for now, have a great week!

- Dan from Dad Psych

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