You're going to have to let your wife go

Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Feeling sidelined as a new dad? With all eyes on mom and baby, it’s easy to feel lost.

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You’re going to have to let your wife go.

Here’s a truth that might catch new dads off guard: it’s surprisingly easy to feel resentment after the baby arrives.

Your world shifts, and suddenly your partner is entirely focused on this tiny human while you’re left feeling like a spectator. It can even stir up uncomfortable feelings toward the baby for “stealing” her attention.

These emotions might seem shameful, but if you’re a first-time father, they’re more common than you think.

If you feel resentment creeping in, take a moment to remind yourself what’s really happening here.

Right now, your partner’s main job is to care for the baby, and yours is to care for her. It might feel like she’s slipping away from you, but this is temporary—it’s just how things need to be for a while. For about six months, your relationship with her might look a little different, but if you can fully embrace this stage, you’ll be doing more for your family than you realise.

This time is crucial. The bond your baby builds with their mum is the foundation for their emotional security. It’s like scaffolding, strong and reliable, setting them up for life. If that attachment is disrupted, i.e., by someone holding resentment, it can lead to a world of trouble down the line.

By supporting your partner and giving her space to focus on the baby, you’re helping to build that foundation. You can still do your own thing to connect with the baby, though. You don’t just have to sit in the shadows.

Whether it’s taking on more responsibilities at home, soothing the baby during fussy moments, or simply being present, these moments are your foundation as a new dad.

Just remember; It’s not forever. She’ll come back to you. But for now, lean into your role. These months might not feel like much in the moment, but what you’re doing now will pay off in ways you can’t even imagine.

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That’s about it for now, have a great week!

- Dan from Dad Psych

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