"I hate my newborn."

Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Freaked out about becoming a dad?

Every Wednesday, we’ll untangle the science and psychology behind your new world in 5 minutes or less.

Straightforward, research-backed and free from cringe parental tips.

In today’s edition:

1. I hate my newborn- Am I a monster? (Feature)

2. Dad joke of the week- Not one, but two facepalm dad interactions.

3. Dad Psych has managed to pull in sponsors!- Wuuuuut.😵

I hate my newborn.

Becoming a dad is one of the most significant changes you’ll ever go through, but it’s not always the magical moment people describe. For some new dads, the experience brings unexpected feelings, like frustration, resentment, and even hatred toward their newborn.

Dr. John Delony spoke to Jacob, a 21-year-old father, who admitted to feeling this way about his eight-week-old baby. Their conversation was honest and raw, and it sheds light on why some dads struggle and how they can start to work through it.

Why does Jacob feel like this?

Jacob’s life changed in every possible way in just a few months. At 21, he went from being a boyfriend to a husband, from figuring out life to being a provider, and from having time for himself to being completely responsible for someone else.

To make things harder, Jacob’s newborn didn’t seem to want him. “You’ve poured every ounce of yourself into this, and the baby doesn’t even acknowledge you”, Dr. Delony said. This lack of connection is common for dads, especially in the early weeks, and it can leave you feeling frustrated and shut out.

Now, the doctor isn’t just reeling off these lines to make him feel worse; instead, he’s helping to put things into perspective. You’re running on fumes and placed in a position you’ve never experienced before. So, how are you supposed to identify the issues right from the start?

Dr. Delony also touched on paternal postpartum depression, a very real condition. For some men, the hormonal shifts after becoming a father, including a drop in testosterone, can create feelings of detachment and irritability. But it’s key to remember that experiencing this isn’t a failure; it’s simply your body responding to massive changes.

What does Dr. John Delony suggest?

Dr. Delony encourages Jacob to reach out for help, reassuring him that he isn’t crazy or broken. 

He suggested starting with a visit to a doctor to rule out hormonal imbalances and recommended talking to a counsellor to unpack the weight of these feelings.

Dr. Delony also emphasized connection and encouraged Jacob to seek support from other dads who’ve been through similar experiences. But, remember, what might work for one dad, might not work for you. It’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all kinda gig.

Will the ‘child hatred’ always be there? 

If you’re still waiting for your baby to arrive, or perhaps resonating with these feelings yourself, you might be wondering if it will ever go away. The short answer is ‘yes’, but only if you do something about it.

These feelings aren’t permanent, but they do need attention. It could be the case that you’re dealing with underlying issues like depression, hormonal changes, or simply the overwhelming demands of fatherhood, all of which aren’t always smack-you-in-the-face obvious.

Go and speak to a doctor. Go and speak to someone who knows more than you. Go and work out what the issue is and fix it.

As we mentioned earlier, how are you supposed to have all the answers for something you’ve never experienced before? The pros have the answers. The second an issue is identified, the quicker you can go back to/begin being the dad you dreamt you would be.

Dad joke of the week 

I think we could all do with a booster after that feature story.

Here are two dad jokes that made me annoyed/laugh.

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