Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Freaked out about becoming a dad?

Every Wednesday, we’ll untangle the science and psychology behind your new world in 5 minutes or less.

Straightforward, research-backed and free from cringe parental tips.

In today’s edition:

1. Is it normal to not feel love for your baby yet?- We turn to Reddit for answers.

2. Dad joke of the week- Don’t lie, you know you love them.

3. Dad Psych has managed to pull in sponsors!- Wuuuuut.😵

Is it normal to not feel love for your baby yet?

It’s not something we dads like to admit. Your partner is excited, constantly talking about the baby, feeling every kick and hiccup, while you… feel nothing. Maybe you’re starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Are you supposed to feel this deep connection already? Well, the truth is you’re certainly not alone. 

This is way more common than anyone lets on, and it doesn’t make you a bad dad.

Why don’t I feel anything yet?

First off, let’s clear the air; this doesn’t mean you’re broken, a monster, or destined to fail at fatherhood. Bonding with an unborn baby is complicated, and there’s surprisingly little research explaining why some dads feel connected early while others don’t. What we do know is this: for mums, the baby is right there, growing inside them, creating a bond through every kick and craving. For dads, it’s… abstract.

How do you bond with someone you’ve never seen, held, or met? Add in the anxiety of not knowing what’s coming, what kind of dad you’ll be, how life will change and it’s no wonder many dads feel disconnected. 

But don’t let it get you down. You just haven’t had your moment yet.

So, of course, I usually bring solid research to back up my claims at this point, but seeing as there’s next to no data available on this, let’s do the next best thing… have a trawl through subreddits.

What real Dads say about this

Ok so I found well over 15 different posts on this issue across r/predaddit, r/newdads and r/dad but we’ll just focus on a post in r/predaddit as it had the most value IMO.

It seems for some, this whole ‘lack of feeling’ starts and ends during the pregnancy. For others, it starts during pregnancy and doesn’t end until after the baby is born, sometimes even a few months after the main event. 

So, let's take a look at what they’re saying:

Dads who found the bond during pregnancy

One dad shared:

Another dad said:

For these dads, feeling those kicks or engaging in small, silly ways helped make the baby feel real, kicking off that first connection.

Dads who didn’t bond until after birth

For others, it didn’t click until they held their baby for the first time. One dad admitted:

Another shared:

For these dads, the bond came later, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s often described as a switch flipping. You may not feel it now, but the moment they arrive, everything can suddenly make sense.

The takeaway

If you’re struggling to feel connected to your baby during pregnancy, don’t panic, you’re not doing anything wrong. For dads, bonding often starts with small, intentional steps like talking to the bump, feeling those first kicks, or showing up for appointments.

And if the connection doesn’t come until after the birth? That’s okay too. Many dads find their bond during those early months of parenting, in the quiet moments of holding, feeding, and caring for their baby.

The important thing is to keep showing up, every step of the way. Oh, you might also do well to give yourself a metaphorical slap, too. Sometimes you’ve gotta call yourself out on your own bullshit; you’re not a bad person!

Dad joke of the week 

A simple case of miscommunication 🤷‍♂️ 

Dad Psych has managed to pull in sponsors!

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