Hi, this is Dan from Dad Psych.

Feeling sidelined as a new dad? With all eyes on mom and baby, it’s easy to feel lost.

Every Wednesday, we’ll untangle the science and psychology behind your new world in 5 minutes or less.

Straightforward, research-backed and never costing you a penny.

Let’s get into this weeks feature!

I built a program that analyzed new dad fears on r/predaddit

A few days ago, I fell into a Reddit rabbit hole, the 'new dad' genre. Absolute chaos.

Guys losing their minds over labour, money, bonding, zero sleep. No clue. Just a cluster-fuck of noise.

Compare that to mum-focused subreddits. Night and day. More order. More calm. Like a bunch of... well... mums.

But why is the new dad side so chaotic? Simple. There’s nothing out there for them. Maybe an uncle mutters, “You’ll be fine” (and you will), but when you're expecting a kid, a metaphorical pat on the head isn’t exactly reassuring.

You want answers to your 3 AM Google search freak-outs like, "Will my newborn like me?"

So I had a thought. What if we mapped out new dads' biggest fears? That way, other worried guys could tap into what millions of others are going through and feel less alone. It's not going to solve the issue entirely but perhaps a start (?)

I called up Chris Hellon, aka master coder, and he built a programme to pull the last 1,500 posts from r/Predaddit, weeding out the most common themes.

Here’s what i found:

1. Labour & delivery fears

Most men aren’t handed a step-by-step guide on how to support their partner through childbirth (though I’d pay good money for a laminated cheat sheet). A lot of posts focus on what to expect when you’re panicking in the hospital room, including:

• What to pack for the hospital. (Snacks. Always snacks.)

• How to recognise when labour is starting. (Three words, Storm Force 10. The UK heads will understand this a little more haha)

• How to stay calm when the unexpected happens, like emergency C-sections or a labour that goes way longer than anticipated.

Many dads just want to know how not to be useless in the delivery room. The good news is that being present and supportive (even if you feel like you’re just holding a hand and saying “breathe” on repeat) goes a long way.

2. Financial worries

Money stress skyrockets when you realise babies don’t just need diapers and onesies—they need car seats, prams, and a shocking amount of random things you’ll end up panic-buying at 2 AM. Dads on Predaddit are asking:

• How much should I have saved before the baby arrives? (Answer: More than you think, but probably less than you fear.)

• What are the hidden costs no one warns you about? (Formula, baby wipes, and the existential crisis that comes with looking at hospital bills.)

• How do I budget for all this? (Step one: Breathe. Step two: Make a plan. Step three: Try not to cry when looking at nursery furniture prices.)

3. Will the baby even like me? (AKA Bonding Anxiety)

Mothers carry the baby for nine months, and dads sometimes worry they’ll always be second-best. A ton of posts revolve around questions like:

• Does my baby even recognise me? (They will. And even if they don’t at first, that’s okay.)

• How can I bond with a newborn? (Skin-to-skin contact, holding them, and—yes—just talking to them.)

• Will I instantly feel love, or will it take time? (Both are normal. Hollywood makes it seem like dads should have an immediate “This is my child, I would die for them” moment. Reality is often a slower burn.)

The best advice? Keep showing up. Hold them, talk to them, and let them get used to your voice and smell. Babies bond through consistency, and even if you feel awkward at first, you’ll get there.

4. Sleep? Never heard of it.

It turns out babies don’t care about your work schedule, your 6 AM alarm, or your deep desire to function like a normal human being. Sleep deprivation is one of the biggest concerns new dads talk about, especially when they’re:

• Trying to figure out how to survive on little sleep.

• Wondering if newborns ever develop a sleep schedule. (Eventually, yes. But not soon enough.)

• Debating how to split nighttime duties without losing their minds.

If you’re already dreading the sleepless nights, know this: You will adjust. It won’t always be fun, but there are ways to make it bearable—like taking shifts, napping when you can, and making peace with caffeine.

5. Mental health

New dads deal with anxiety, imposter syndrome, and the overwhelming fear that they might mess this up. The Predaddit threads are full of guys asking:

• Is it normal to feel anxious before the baby arrives? (Absolutely.)

• What if I don’t feel like a good dad? (Most dads worry about this. The fact that you care is already a good sign.)

• How do I manage stress while also supporting my partner? (Take breaks when you can. Talk to someone. Don’t bottle it up.)

Final thoughts

Predaddit shows us one thing loud and clear: Every new dad has a lot of the same worries. The good news? Most of these fears fade as you get the hang of things. The bad news? Sleep deprivation takes longer to wear off.

If you’re stressed, nervous, or overwhelmed, know that it’s completely normal. No one starts this journey as an expert, but trust me, you will figure it out. And when you do, you’ll realise that all those late-night Predaddit posts were just part of the ride.

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That’s about it for now, have a great week!

- Dan from Dad Psych

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